ProjectWRX

Resilience: The ability to become strong, healthy, or successful again after something bad happens.

…this too shall pass.

For me, this season of my life started with the end of a relationship to someone who was physically abusive and battering, psychologically abusive and controlling, and finally being told that they were using me for what I was providing and not about love or relationship.

Can some of you relate?

Going through the stages of grief, I remember immediately rationalizing the words I was hearing and entering the isolation and denial phases. Justifying how I was being treated. Still wanting to bargain my way back into the good I had. Wanting that “peak” one last time; yet still wanting to ignore the “valley”.

Can more of you relate now?

Then it hits you… free falling out of control, slamming into the earth, and your life shattering into a thousand pieces. You stand up and realize that you see nothing as far as the eye can see and it hits you. Fear, desperation, anxiety, loneliness, rejection, loss, failure.

…but this too shall pass.

How then, after all of that do we aspire for resiliency when most mornings we can’t even will ourselves out of bed, or find our car keys?

Psalm 71:14 says “But I will hope continually, and will yet praise thee more and more.”.

Every morning I wake up and hold the pieces of my shattered trust and heart in my hands, abandoned in that field, and I look up at God and I ask him to please put them back together and help the scars heal. Every day I ask for him to protect me and have my back because I have realized that no one on this earth can do so as he does.

It will take many years, and some of these wounds will never go away, but I’ve realized that what >I< need to do (and have done) is just surrender. I have full peace in just giving my path to God and letting him decide what this next season of my life is going to be like.…will this pass?

Endurance: The power to withstand pain or hardship; the ability of strength to continue despite fatigue, stress, or other adverse conditions.

Endurance.. an equally necessary part of grieving to be able to achieve resiliency. Without endurance many of us will give up. The lesson I learned this week is very simple. You can’t run from the pain, you can’t numb it, you can’t mask it. You have to be willing to take the gloves off and get into that ring and fight it out. Fight with all the heart you have until you’re done with the pain, and it’s done with you.

Otherwise, if you give up, or aren’t ready to put in the work and heart, the pain will win, and you will be stuck under it’s heel for the rest of your life.

It starts with the heart.. Trauma slashes deep into the heart, leaving behind profound and permanent wounds. Psalm 6:3 “I am sick at heart. How long, O Lord, until you restore me?”

I’m plagiarizing this but it’s very profound and worth spreading.

5 ways to build resilience when your heart is broken:

ONE: Be trusting. Take it to the One who can mend your heart. Psalm 62:8 “O my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge.”

TWO: Be self aware. Know your limits and your needs. Advocate for yourself.

THREE: Be Patient. Healing takes time.

FOUR: Be authentic. Embrace the pain, don’t RUN from it.

FIVE: Shift perspective. Learn to see the bigger picture.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWH4VREXFFs <-- This entire point is personified in these 3 minutes and 28 seconds..God bless all of us who are surviving. Some days we want to give up on life itself. But in those days, give it your very best and don't give up until you have nothing left.…This too shall pass…

Door County – Wisconsin – 10/2014

For years, I always talked about wanting to take a fall drive through Wisconsin’s beautiful Glacier Lands, capturing nature at it’s most pristine and beautiful. No better season would achieve that but the fall. What I discovered was nothing short of absolutely breathtaking! But I digress for a moment; for me, photography has always been a way for me to personify life. I can tell you how beautiful something looks to me, or I can show you what my eyes see, and the emotions my heart feels at that moment in time. That is what Photography is to me.. an outlet for when my command of the English lexicon fails me.

Fish Creek Wisconsin – 10/2014

Peninsula State Park – Wisconsin – 10/2014

Those are some of the places I discovered across hundreds of miles of fire roads, country routes, and places truly off the wayward path that no rear drive roadster should ever try to reach… But the effort was so worth it!

http://gallery.projectwrx.com/6691680_7719469#imageID=225282213 <-- This video compiling some of my trip doesn't even do it justice.. but I'm sure you'll get the idea! This is now going to be a yearly pilgrimage for me. I didn't even scratch the tip of what I had hoped to see or do.[caption id="attachment_465" align="aligncenter" width="300"] Celebrating my Dad’s 68th birthday – 10/06/2014[/caption]Several days after that, I got to celebrate the birthday of my Father. Having just turned 68, you’d think he’d start slowing down? No.. This is my hero. He’s the man I try and be, the person I hope to make proud, and the person who has taught me all I know about trying to be the most honorable and loving person to others.

Breakfast with my Dad – 10/07/2014

For Father’s Day I had gotten him his first flying lesson, to see what he’d think. He wanted to wait until now though to use it. Why? Well in typical fashion to how knowledgable he is, he knew the atmospheric conditions would be more ideal for flying in cooler weather. So here then I find myself picking him up at 7:30AM and off to breakfast we go.

My Dad logging his first hour of flight time – 10/07/2014

After some class time on the basics of lift, wind correction and compensation, and the basics of flight we head out to our Piper. It was a tight fit, but we all got cozy and got to work.

Our flight plan took us from Naperville to Morris IL, where we were using major roads and intersections as practice grounds for learning the difference between paying attention to the nose of the plane, and the destination on the horizon (they don’t want you looking at the nose), and then how to judge and line up turns. Why? Because my Dad was then to line us up and take us in for our first landing in Morris. Went off without a hitch. He’s a natural at this!

Then, after a debrief and rest we then took off on the return back to Naperville, repeating the same exercises and enjoying the scenery.

This day couldn’t have been any more beautiful and ideal for flying! We had an absolute great time and I’m so proud of my Dad! I’m honored to be here with him on a very special day in his life.

Morris Municipal Airport – 10/07/2014

Willow Creek’s mid week service. I’ve been called to share my story and minister to those who’ve had abusive or traumatic ends to relationships.

Somehow, clearly (looking at my web stats), thousands of you have latched onto my prior post. Hundreds of you have emailed stories of your own traumatic relationships, and dozens others have become good friends through all of this. It compelled me to sign up for Willow Creek’s Life After Loss course. There was a very important metaphor I learned quickly. Most people feel that recovering from loss is like a ruler. There are clearly defined mile stones, and an end to it. The reality is that grief is more like a slinky.. Yes, you always work your way up.. but you could be at the top of a coil one day, and find yourself still at the bottom of a coil the next day. That is life moving through the 5 stages of grief.

– Denial and Isolation
– Anger
– Bargaining
– Depression
– Acceptance

No, you don’t go through them in that order. No, just because you feel you move through a stage, doesn’t mean it’s not likely you could relapse into it again.

http://grief.willowcreek.org/ <-- I realize I've recognized my call to ministry. While continuing to tend to my own physical and psychological abuse I had to endure, I realized that there is also something extremely healing in relating and sharing my story with dozens of others. Friends, acquaintances, complete strangers in their own need.. It's something I freely do now; realizing how it is my path to finally being able to achieve the ability to offer grace and true forgiveness.Something I truly hope to do one day, because bitterness is like drinking rat poison, waiting for the other person to die.I pray every day for that healing, and I feel God's provided me the means to achieve it, while being in the service of others.

09/20/2014 – workout progress. 248 lbs. 289 on 04/20/2014. 5 months today…
How my world has changed. All glory goes to God. How he’s provided for me since then.

Five months ago, today, God decided to change my life. I spent months fighting what needed to happen. Months fighting his will. Finally realizing just how much he was protecting me, putting a protective hedge over me, keeping the things holding me back and taking advantage of me at bay. Finally giving me the courage to let go when I should have listened to him years ago.

09/16/2014 – Seattle

I was able to spend the entire 4th of July week with Sebastian. For him, he’s loving going EVERYWHERE in the s2000. He’s at such a fun age where we’re starting to have more serious conversations about everything from science, to these things called “girls”… That one caught me off guard… I was like… “What could a 9 year old even remotely have to ask about girls?”

I can’t wait for the next few years with him!

Just a great time to bond and get some of our own bucket list items off. The entire extended family got together for our local Summer Festival. I still believe Glendale Heights has one of the best suburban firework displays!

Also, I took advantage of the opportunity to photograph one of my favorite local bands (7th Heaven).

Keith Semple – 7th Heaven – Glendale Heights Summer Fest 2014

I spent several months this summer attending a class for people exploring their faith through my church. Alpha, as it’s called really gives you the opportunity to ask the hard questions.. to really just unload and vent your frustration on where or how you feel faith has failed you. Plus the companionship and friendships you forge are invaluable. I’m truly grateful for the people I’ve met, who’ve heard my story, and offered perspective to the abuse and wounds I’ve had to endure.

We even had a special guest. Erich Muller (Yes… Mancow Muller) attended Alpha with me. Very cool to see him participate in the process for several months.

Hanging with Erich (Mancow) Muller.

We had the largest Vertical Endeavors open up about a ¼ mile from my house. So when they had free rock climbing all day long, the kids were ALL over it! Was great seeing them get past their own fears and finally conquer several walls. I couldn’t be prouder of my kids! Was a great time also going with a very good friend (Cody) who was coaching and helping the kids. Cody is a VERY accomplished rock climber.

Long overdue for me, after that, was a much needed week away to just screw my own head on straight. So special thanks to some co-workers of mine who have a place in central Wisconsin away from it all! Was much needed, and I took advantage of that time to really do some soul searching on the next chapter in my life.

One thing is for sure. No one will ever take advantage of my own kindness and generosity ever again.

Summer road trip – 2014

Sebastian at his 10th birthday – 2014

I can’t wait to see who or what God has planned for me in this next chapter of my life.

Today, is my Red Letter Day.

My minion wanted to know what “Jousting” was… I had the perfect answer!

I started trying to explain it to him and instead had a wonderful epiphany. I said.. “I have a GREAT way to show you!”

Since I was a kid I’d gone with friends to the Renaissance Faire in Bristol Wisconsin. It certainly hasn’t changed. The King and Queen still set the stage first thing in the morning, there are still the guys performing in the “Mud Show”, and there are still thousands of “extras” who just show up in their own re-enactment garb, weapons and all.

Was a lot of fun actually, because Sebastian got himself into some of the shows going on.

It’s really too bad that the weather wasn’t holding on too well up there, because we were having a ton of fun and left in the early afternoon. But he was sold. Loved the weapons, loved getting his own wooden sword and shield, and of course, loved the atmosphere, food, and good times playing and getting to know some of the other kids we’d meet.

Was a great time! Though, at this point I think I just committed myself to a birthday party at Medieval Times… 🙁 That’s going to be an expensive net result to a little field trip.

http://tinyurl.com/mfglhcb <-Full sized pics are always available in my galleries. You can always access them via the link

Burgers, Dogs, Sausages, and all the trimmin’s!

It’s even better when one of the teams you support heavily says “Come on over!! We want to make lunch for you!”.

Mark, the VP of Managed Services personally manned the grills outside on a 95F day and cooked for not only us, but his own team to give us all a time to catch up and gel.

Thanks Mark! Great time as always!

http://gallery.projectwrx.com/6208923 <-- Full gallery can be found here![caption id="attachment_279" align="aligncenter" width="300"] Hanging with our Managed Service teams! They were nice enough to throw a “Thank you!” lunch for the Client Service team![/caption]

!!!Evil Al!!!

My man, Ian, bringing it home!

I was fortunate enough to be asked to head down and take pictures, showing how Accertify/AMEX represents amongst their peers.

Great representation from Chicago’s large corporate presence. United, and Motorola are just two that come to mind.

Overall, great time though! It was a great networking opportunity for those of us on the Accertify Island to take a peek outside, and meet our peers!

http://gallery.projectwrx.com/6077211 <-- As always, the full photo gallery is located online.[caption id="attachment_246" align="aligncenter" width="300"] Everyone from the local AMEX offices, as well as the dozens of people from Accertify who attended the event![/caption]

Editing a small video for our day at CIR.

One of our Operations Managers had some GoPros on the Karts.

http://gallery.projectwrx.com/6042882 <-- Here's a small video of the footage.

Sebastian: My Junior Fraud Fighter!

Always a great time!!

I’m on the event committee for work, so we learned a lot about the format for this years event. Last year was probably a bit too long for the 7-14 year range we opened this up for. Consequently, things went much smoother this year! 🙂

We are a fraud company. We work with private organizations, corporations, and law enforcement to stop fraudsters, fraud rings, and save the economy and companies billions of dollars a week!

What we do, summed up so well!

It’s a no brainer, when our kids are so connected at such a young age, that we’d focus on their safety. We especially focused on instilling into them “best practices” on how to use the internet, and what companies like ours do to protect them, etc.

Breakfast and Lunch were served, we had another appearance by the Accertify Fraud Fighter, our kids got to spend time with us shadowing our day to day, and we had several craft and educational workshops allowing their imaginations to reflect and answer on what we do.

Great times, and fond memories!

http://gallery.projectwrx.com/6038023 <-- Pics can be found here![caption id="attachment_212" align="aligncenter" width="300"] A quiz on Internet Safety and Fraud.[/caption]

Check out the new page for Shadow Project BBS.

Sort of a trip down memory lane for me!